Sunday, December 5, 2010

On the Fifth Day of December

Dear Caitlin,

I just saw a commercial for Twilight: Eclipse and had the following conversation with Erin.

Alex: OH MY GOD I cannot wait to see that.
Erin: Alex, you've seen that.
Alex: I have?
Erin: Yes.
Alex: ......
Erin: Remember the time you and Caitlin left us all, and came back after two rounds of margaritas?

Ah yes, I remember it well.

Miss you in the land of the fake fireplaces, and the home of the Baby.

See you soooooon!

Alex

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Later on the Fourth Day of December

Dear Caitlin,

Kyle bought more powdered drink mix.

This means the total amount of drink mix in our home has increased from enough to make lemonade for Australia for a year, to enough to make lemonade for Canada AND The Duggars for a year.

Let me know if you're ever thirsty.

Love,

Alex

On the Fourth Day of December

(12.4.1961: birth control pill became availale to all women in USA)

Dear Caitlin,

I am obsessed with The Big Bang Theory. Obsessed. Like, I literally sing Soft Kitty to myself as I'm falling asleep at night, and do a "Sheldon" based YouTube search at least twice a week. I watched the entire series in one month. I am a super-fan, and I want to date Leonard.

I will date Leonard.

Bazinga,

Alex

Thursday, December 2, 2010

On the Second Day of December

Dear Caitlin,

It was very rude for you to move out, and not clear the refridgerator of the 3/4 full gallon of milk you had been working on. Since, as you know, things easily get pushed to the back of our refridgerator, it took several days for us to realize where the repulsive odor was coming from. When I finally decided to attack the source (the refridgerator) I was appaled at the separated, moldy, yellowish-white concoction that I found in the light pink Kirkland Signature Skim Milk container. Obviously I could not just dump it out--trash day was not until Thursday, and I was not going to release that odor further into our world. You'll be happy to know I attached an FYI post-it, reading, "THIS IS NOT OKAY." The next time you plan to move out, please do not buy milk merely days before your departure.

Annie took care of the disgusting-ness yesterday. I have since forgiven you, but I don't know if she has.

Hope all is well in Beantown.

Love,

Alex

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

On the First Day of December

Dear Caitlin,

Let's start with yesterday.

I saw Hurricane Chris at the library, and naturally, stopped to say hi. I will not bore you with the details of our conversation, mostly because I don't remember it. I was more focused on trying to get a peek at his socks, to essentially "catch him red-footed" in argyle.

In other news, DeStorm could really use DeLightning back. Despite the occasional Hurricane Chris sighting, DeLame is really bringing us down.

Miss you tons,

DeThunder

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Thou Shalt Not

Commandments 11 July 2010

1) Thou shalt not watch the World Cup if thou shalt not want to watch the World Cup
2) Thou shalt not play nice with others if thou shalt not want to play nice with others
3) Thou shalt be able to regret decisions if thou so chooses


It's official. I'm not watching the world cup with you. And writing it in [virtual] stone so I can stop worrying about you* being mad at me.

*This post is not directed toward anyone in particular, in fact, it's a warning to anyone further who may try and get me to watch the World Cup with them.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

You and I are a Gang of Losers

Remember back in the Old Testament, when Moses and Pharaoh had that fight? The one where Moses kept yelling, "Let my people go," unknowingly inspiring dozens of slave chants for thousands of years to come. But Pharoah wouldn't let his people go, so God had to get involved. And then all of Egypt was plagued with bugs and frogs and disease, until God finally had enough, so he made all the believers put lamb's blood above their doors for protection when the nighttime spirit came to take the firstborn children. (Am I triggering anything? Would you let me teach your child's Sunday School class?)

Well, there's this squirrel named Jacob who lives in our trash can (Coincidentally, his name was not Biblically inspired, unless God's in my head in which case, that's really freaky since only Santa can get in my head...). Anyway, Jacob has a psychological quirk.

Squirrel psychology. What do you know about it? I don't know much. Other than the fact that Jacob obviously has OCD. OR maybe he's just freakishly clairvoyant.

You see, Jacob snacks on our leftover toast, which he finds in our trash can. But he never finishes it. He nibbles it all the way to the edge, making a lovely "L" shape, and then stores it in every corner of every window of our house. Until today, we didn't know it was him. We thought that one of us was playing tricks on the others (there are 6 of us who live in the house).

Is he saving it for later? Decorating? Just organizing it? There's no way to know. Is it possible that he's protecting us? Positioning the toast strategically, to distract an evil spirit? As an offering? Or maybe, because he's obviously taken a liking to all of us here on Adsit Court, he's suggesting that we're believers in whatever squirrel-god to whom he subscribes. Maybe he's taking Moses' lead, trying to get us out of the house. Is this toast our warning? Or a warning to others?

It's gotta mean something.